I force myself to write.
I force myself talking to you... nothing personal - I don't feel like talking to anyone. I'm tired of Brazilian culture. I'm tired of North American culture. I get sick of any culture if I live long enough into it. I'm in Limbo. I need to drink alone to keep going - it makes me sick. I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of my thoughts. I'm sick of my boredom. I'm sick of my desires. Nothing makes me more or less important than the baby who just died or the king who lived 300 years. Nothing makes me better or worse than the child dying of starvation this very moment. My speech is redundant. My complaints are irrelevant and so are yours. I can shut myself into silence and it won't make any difference. I could die at any given moment. I'm a fart in geological time. I'm insignificant and I'm aware of it. Any thought of validating my existence is just arrogance and ignorance. the universe is fucked up.
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